Turning Pain Into Purpose: The Birth of SheRest with Candice Boyd

[00:00:00] Speaker A: Every leader faces moments that break them open. In this conversation with Candace, Candy Boyd, founder of she rests, we unpack how choosing rest over burnout and curiosity over judgment can transform not just your leadership, but your life. Candy's story is a powerful reminder that high impact leadership isn't about doing more. It's about knowing when to pause, listen and create space for growth. [00:00:30] Speaker A: Candice, I wanted to bring you on the show because, you know, you're having a massive impact in the community and we'll unpack that a little bit more. But just, you know, there'll be a lot of people out there that don't know Candace Boyd, what you're about and a bit of background. So how about you just start there, share a bit about who is Candice Boyd? [00:00:47] Speaker B: Oh, what a deep question, isn't it? [00:00:49] Speaker A: It is. [00:00:49] Speaker B: So, Candice Boyd. That is me. I am vivacious and adventurous, spontaneous. I, I don't know, it sounds really like corny, but I genuinely enjoy life and people and I married my high school sweetheart, which is rare, but yes, very rare. Nine. So I've been married for 20 years and I've got three little girls. I've got a 13 year old, an 11 year old and a nine year old. [00:01:20] Speaker B: That keeps me very, very busy. And so, yeah, I think you, you have a dream and you sort of think, you know, I want to do this and I want to travel and I'd love to get married one day and I'd love to have children and you sort of paint this picture in your mind of how it's going to be. I'm a primary school teacher as well, so absolutely love children. And so then when I started to have my children. [00:01:45] Speaker B: You know, loved being a mum and then things started to change and they were different. One child was a certain way and everybody knows that they're never going to be the same. But some behaviors started to really present themselves and I thought, oh, this is different. I think we're, we're dealing with something that's a little bit different here. And so, yeah, when my middle child was around the age of three and a half, four years old, we found out that she was autistic through quite a traumatic experience. [00:02:20] Speaker B: You know, it seemed like she was a normal, let's just say normal baby. Everything was, was going along really well and then it was really strange. But at that age of about three and a half, it was honestly like a switch went off and then just overnight behavior started to really, really shift and change and things that she was really settled in, like toileting and sleep routines, all of that sort of stuff, that she was just well and truly in her own routine, and she knew how to do them. They regressed so much just in a really, really short space of time. And then we just started to have these explosive meltdowns that would last, you know, up to 45 minutes to an hour, where it wasn't like a tantrum. It's not a tantrum where they can come out of it or you can, like, distract them and talk them out of it. All the teaching strategies would come into play for me. Distraction and, you know, humor and. But yeah, it was. It was almost like she. Yeah, the. The lid had been flipped and she was in a state of distress, and it could go on and on. And it was really hard to try to figure out how to pull her out of that or to help her to get back into a calm space. So our life changed very quickly, so went down the path of diagnosis and trying to be able to support her. And I think that's the thing as well. You hear like, oh, why? Why get a label? And I wanted to know what I was dealing with. I wanted to know for her so that I could help her as very best I could. That is the importance of why to get a label. Just in case anybody's worried about that. When you don't know, there is just so much confusion, like self doubt. You feel like, what am I doing wrong as a parent? I'm trying my absolute best, but I'm failing this child. There's all these things that come into play. But finding out what was actually happening for our daughter was the best thing, because then I could just. I went for it. I studied everything, you know, tried to find out what I could to support her. So, yeah, life became very different. And it. And it didn't go down the path of that, you know, white picket fence, and you've got your three kids and everything. All the ducks are lined up in a row. It was like the ducks went smash out of the way. And it's been a journey since then, actually landing in a place where I'm actually okay with that. I'm okay with that. Wasn't at the start, but now. Yeah, I would say that's. That is Candace Boyd, somebody who very much liked ducks to be lined up, liked everything to be in its place. And an experience in our life has come along and smashed them all out of the way. But I think there's so much beauty in it, and. And I think that there's hope in it. There's chaos and there's trauma and there's exhaustion, but there is a lot of beauty in it as well. And I would say that that is probably who I am at the essence now is I want to be somebody that talks about that, that there is this. There can be beauty in the chaos and we can learn from it and we can help each other. So I don't know, there's a little snapshot. [00:05:43] Speaker A: It's a great snapshot. And I guess back to, you don't know what hand you're going to be dealt in life, do you? And. [00:05:52] Speaker A: I guess from the short time I've known you, that positivity just rings through. You've been dealt a hand. And I do want to go back to that point of sort of three and a half or so. And I guess the moments or the behaviors that were happening, that flip the lid moment and the switch flicking. What were you and hubby thinking at the time before the diagnosis side? What's going on here? What's going through your head? [00:06:17] Speaker B: Yeah, like I would say pure fear, to be honest. In that moment. It was actually when we were heading up to my mum's for. In Queensland for Christmas and I made a flyaway comment and I said, oh, you know, I just want to apologize in advance, Mom. There's been some unusual behavior. Sorry if she's a bit naughty or if she's a bit, you know. And we said, oh, that's fine. We'll deal with it as it comes. But it was. It was nothing how I thought it would be. It was so much more intense and. And it was traumatic. Traumatic to the point where a friend of mine said months afterwards, I. I can actually see a physical reaction when you talk about this. I really think you've been impacted and I think you should go and see someone, which was so helpful. But the behaviors were. [00:07:02] Speaker B: So scary in that, like I said, she. She was very much. You know, she had achieved all those milestones that she needed to and. But then, like, overnight they just regressed. And so even down to the point where she would happily go to bed at night and she would sleep through the night. I was really lucky. And then all of a sudden it would be bedtime and we were at my mom's in Queensland and she would just start screaming and refusing to go to sleep. [00:07:32] Speaker B: Saying that she needed to hug me. And then, like, I would pick her up and I would be hugging her and she would be screaming. Not just like a little cry, I mean, like distressed screaming to the point where you actually start to worry about neighbors. You, you become very concerned about neighbors. And so she was screaming and then she would start to say things like, hold me, hold me. And I remember holding her and looking at my husband in fear saying, I am holding you like I am. And now obviously I can look back in hindsight and she was needing a deep pressure. [00:08:10] Speaker A: So is that a precious sensitivity like a, you know, that they talk about? [00:08:14] Speaker B: Yeah, yeah. And it's again, it's something that I wish I could have a day in the life with her mind so I can understand what this all feels like because I can't. But there's something that is quite regulating for them when they can get that deep pressure, it somehow can just bring that fight or flight system for them down back into. We call it the green zone. And so she was needing that and I didn't know. And so I'm saying I, I am holding you, I am. Or she just refused to go into her bed and was just screaming. And, and my mom and my husband and I were looking at each other thinking, what is going on? This is so scary. And then I'll never forget walking along the beach, we went down there for a picnic. I'd explain that it's too late at night, we're not swimming. It's dangerous to swim late at night. So we're just going to go to the beach, we're going to have a picnic. But with her way of seeing the world and perceiving the world, she locked it in. I'm going to go swimming. Even though we had nothing to swim in, no towers, it was too dark. And that was that turned into a 45 minute screaming, Blood curdling, screaming, meltdown in public, everybody staring. And then she started to like bang her head over and over again with her hand. And I remember looking at my daddy o and just thinking, oh, I, I got teary and I just said I. What is going on? I had no idea what was happening to my daughter. This wasn't the daughter that I knew. And to see her so distressed was just so confronting and, and so sad. It's so sad to see them hurting and so distressed. And so yeah, there was. She started like hitting her sisters, biting, just really just. It was behavior that we hadn't seen before. [00:10:07] Speaker B: And so yeah, that, that's where it. As soon as I flew back from Queensland, actually I do want to mention this. It's really important. [00:10:16] Speaker B: I sent a text out to some girlfriends because we were seriously considering, considering coming home early, like flying home early. It was just chaos and this, because this was happening every single day. Meltdowns, screaming meltdowns, like chaos hitting, you know. So I just thought, I can't let my parents live with this. I need to get back home. But I sent out a text message to three of my closest friends and I said, please, like, can you pray? Can you help? Can you send anything through? This is what's happening. Something's not okay. And one of them sent through. I know this sounds weird, but you need to look into food and artificial flavors. It has such a massive impact on some children. So she sent through a list and I just wrote it out and I stuck it on my mother's fridge and I said, nobody give her anything with any of this stuff in it. We're trying anything we can right now to help. And so we went to the shops, we found the alternatives. And I would say, honestly, within two days she came back to her sort of normal self, about 70%. And I thought, okay, that has a huge impact on her. So we've kept that. Those sort of artificial colors, especially yellow for her with twisties and Cheezels. Like, no, it just exacerbates behavior to a scary point where it's almost like you can see in their eyes that they're not almost in control of their own movements and they're a bit. They're not really present. And her or teachers can even see that now. Her after school teachers. She's had something, we can tell. So it's a. It's a real thing. So we did that. And then as soon as I got back home to New South Wales, just straight into. Let's get her assessed. Let's find out what's happening for this little girl. And then, yeah, that's when we found out that she had level 2 ASD, which is autism spectrum disorder. So yeah, that's the journey. [00:12:13] Speaker A: There's so. And thanks for sharing, Kenny. Like, there's. There's so many angles I can take here. I'm like, what, what angle will we take? But I keep leading back to like there was such. I could see the emotion in you when you started to talk about those moments in the story. So as much as you're comfortable about it, what can you share? Just around, I guess, your own self help that. Your own journey as a parent in effectively self leading so that you can cope, learn to cope, learn to understand and then create this path that know we're getting to as she rests. [00:12:49] Speaker B: Yeah, absolutely. I would say, to be honest, like back before that we found the diagnosis and understood a little Bit more what was going on. I would say that my self help. [00:13:04] Speaker B: Was really bad because I think that you mothers already have this weird guilt where even though you know you're entitled to go out for dinner and have some drinks with a friend when you've got new small children. [00:13:20] Speaker B: Even when you're, you're getting to that place, if the kid's like, oh, don't go, mom. You just. This, this guilt is just so debilitating. And it's like, I know that I'm actually not doing anything wrong, but why does this feel so wrong to leave them? And so I think for a while there I, I just thought, no, I just have to stay and I have to make sure, you know, she can't cope. It's not okay for me to do this. You know, she needs me. Nobody can, can help her the way that I can in those moments, which is not true. Like my husband's fantastic now, but. And he was really calm in those moments back then too. But I, yeah, the guilt, the mum guilt was such a real thing that I didn't really, I didn't look after myself. [00:14:06] Speaker B: And I think that that's why it was so important when that friend said to me, you are having a physical reaction when you talk about what happened. Your hands are getting shaky, your voice gets shaky. You can see that you're trying to sort of process through it. And, and this was a friend of mine that studied and, and have support herself through lots of therapy for a lot of years. She's like, it's trauma. You're holding trauma in your body and you need to go in and talk to somebody. You need to be aware of what's happened to you. It was full on what's happened to you. And so I think that, that I know this sounds really strange, but validation from somebody especially. I don't know if this is just me, but I actually know that it is not just me because I've spoken to so many women. When you are validated by somebody else to say that was intense or that was full on, like that was a big deal. When somebody else says it to you, you're like, oh, okay, yeah, like I was feeling that, but then sort of felt like I shouldn't be mentioning it or. But everybody goes through stuff. Motherhood's hard for everybody. So you sort of think that, well, who are you to say that was really intense? So it wasn't until somebody validated how full on that was that then I was able to allow myself to go. It really was. And it really did traumatize me. Seeing my daughter hitting her head over and over again or screaming for hours like that did impact me and it did impact my body. So to have somebody say that and give you the green light, that's when my self care journey started. But before that I don't think I really did at all Brendan. Like I just sort of kept thinking I've got a soldier on, just got to keep pushing through and I think a lot of moms do that and I think that we, we're not, we're not good at putting ourselves first and especially as full time disability carers. There's something called carers burnout and it is on the increase more than ever before and it's really important that we do stop and look after ourselves because if we don't as the mums. [00:16:27] Speaker B: Yeah the family needs us. [00:16:29] Speaker A: Look, mums are pretty, mums are pretty special I have to say. And I, look, I wish I had some of that mum guilt when I was a lot younger and had younger kids because I probably wouldn't have got in as much strife as what I did from my wife about being out late or going out with the boys and stuff like that. So look, I, I just, I, I can only imagine the impact it had on you and again I could see it, it was, it was still visible there. It's having an impact on me just listening to the story and trying to put yourself in your shoes. So how do you going on to she rest? I, I would like to park, I want to come back at some point to the, I guess the food component and just what you know, what your thoughts, what your beliefs, what you've researched around this and like how do these things maybe happen? I guess that's a million dollar question right at that sort of three and a half like it just that that switch flicked but we'll park that for a second. What I'd like to go to is given we're on the self help path and the, the resting. How do you, how do you rest now? Or what did you see in rest and looking after yourself and then how did that move into that moment of when you birthed what we now know as she rests. [00:17:49] Speaker B: So I think for me it was just giving myself permission to be able to go and have the dinner and drinks with the girls to start with. It's removing yourself from the environment is super important. [00:18:06] Speaker B: Because and people, you know, I'm such a believer in people don't know what they don't know and you can't be angry at people for not knowing. And I know that we're going to talk about this later on, but this life with children on the autism spectrum, it's such a wide spectrum and they're obviously not all like this. You have children that are non verbal and they can't speak and they're trying to learn how to communicate. You've got some that go into a thing called shutdown, so they don't actually explode and have meltdowns. They actually go inward and their parents are trying desperately to try to get information out of them. And then you've got ones that, you know, my daughter has and the way that she copes and that is to explode. And so there's just so many different ways. But I would honestly say for me and for mothers where you have an explosive melt, a child who is melting down, it. It's so chaotic and it instantly creates chaos and sucks every ounce of peace out of a home because it's not a child in a room crying because they didn't get something. And they can stay in there and just do some breathing and close the door and play with your toys. It's nothing like. [00:19:34] Speaker B: Heightened distress. They're redlining, they're screaming to the point where neighbors can hear everything. They, I mean, this is something that hopefully sheds light onto how intense this is. But for years, I had to instantly run around and close every window because it was, okay, we're in meltdown, close all the windows so the neighbors don't have to be disturbed by like absolute chaos and screaming. So I would have to close windows, run around and close windows. And so in that moment, you can't. [00:20:11] Speaker A: You still do that now? [00:20:13] Speaker B: No, I, and sometimes, sorry, sometimes. But nowhere near to the point that I had to, which is so exciting to know that there's been so much progression for her that I have to go into a flap of like, you know, quick, put the windows down. It's just going to be too full on for everybody to hear this. [00:20:34] Speaker A: I guess. I look at that from a. And sorry to interrupt you a little bit. But look, for our viewers and listeners, our community, Candace did give me the okay to interrupt her from time to time before we recorded because she said she talks a lot and she wants me to interrupt. [00:20:49] Speaker B: I do. [00:20:49] Speaker A: So I'm just sort of defending myself in case we get any troll people or something. You keep interrupting the lady. [00:20:57] Speaker A: Absolutely. I guess I, I look at that from a perspective of I, I really. How can we help Generally, this broader state. How can people help if they don't know they're not seeing, they're not understanding. And like, I can see, like it's a, it's an instant reaction as a parent, isn't it? Like, you want to just close off. You don't want other people to hear that you're, you're rousing at them or they're rousing their, you know, their, their lids flipping and all that sort of stuff. But it's like that thing, how do we be brave again? Back to, you know, your family statement, which you can share later, but how do we be brave and just. It is what it is. People need to know because this is how we can deal with it better as a society. Does that, does that come into your head? [00:21:39] Speaker B: I think that that question makes me want to cry because. [00:21:43] Speaker A: Don't cry before me sometimes. [00:21:45] Speaker B: I know it does because it's like, it's so beautiful in that you're saying, like, how do we help that? And I think that that is such a, that question alone. If more people in society actually just asked somebody that when their child is screaming and melting down in the shopping center. I can tell now the difference between a tantrum and a meltdown. Like, I can see it very clearly most of the time, sadly, you can tell because of the mother. She will have a glazed numb look because she's dealt with that a thousand times over and she just will be, you know, it's this exhausted. Okay, here we go. Everyone's going to judge me. I've just got to write it out. Whereas in tantrums, you can see the mums like, you know, do you want a lolly? Do you want that? You know, they're trying so hard. And so I think this, the question of, like, what can we do to help? Is so incredibly beautiful. And I think that if you see somebody in the shopping center and their child is, you know, blood curdling, screaming, it's, it's, it's a tantrum at another level. Like, stop and take notice of that. Is it a tantrum at another level? Then? It's probably not a tantrum that they can snap out of. It's probably a meltdown. And to be able to walk over and simply say, can I do anything to help you right now? Oh, like, what a world that would be. Because a lot of the time all we get are eyes that are controlling your child. Get control of your child. Like, what a crap mother. Oh my God. Like, why is their kid like that? You know, it's, it's horrible. It's so horrible. And for me, as a Teacher, like, I know kids, I know so many strategies. I. Kids love me and I love them. But to have a child that is so distressed and you're there and you are trying desperately to figure out how to connect with that child, and then you look over and you've got eyes like, you know, it's just adds to it. It's like, just please just don't. Like, I. You have no idea. I'm trying with everything in my being to right now contain this so that it's not making you feel uncomfortable. But more than anything, you've got a child who's so uncomfortable and you are so incredibly embarrassed and that everybody's staring. So for somebody to walk up and say, how can I help you right now? There would be mothers all across Australia that would probably just cry being asked that. And that is one thing that I do want to do with our charities. I want to get some caps. And I would love to sell the caps so that people can recognize these families and these women. So when you see them, don't roll your eyes, Adam. Like, walk over and be like, hey, I can see that your other child right now is, is scared and being neglected because you're trying desperately to help with this. Do you want me to sit with this child and play with them or just something that. As simple as that. You know what I mean? [00:24:53] Speaker A: It's such an awesome idea. Just that visual indicator, an indicator. [00:24:58] Speaker B: Just the, the solidarity so mums don't feel alone, so that you see each other in the crowd. It's like, I got you, girl. I got you back. You know, and we're there for each other. [00:25:08] Speaker A: So, I mean, we just, we. We solve things so much better as community, don't we? And, and that seems to be getting lost and lost the further we go down into society. But again, I guess, again, I take that view and I, I look, this is where fostering for us has been so powerful in that, you know, my nature, the sort of person I am, I'm a discerning type person. And that, that to me leads me more to the place of judgment as opposed to curiosity. I have to work really hard to be curious on stuff and to think around that. But this is where fostering has been so helpful for me as a person and growing, trying to every day be better is, you know, we did have a little girl who was on the spectrum and, you know, we got a diagnosis while she was in our care, and that was great to get because we could get the right supports and help, but that just gave Us, you know, just a tiny len. You know, into. Into your life to some extent. And, and it just helps us be more understanding, be more curious. And again, I'm certainly not an expert as identifying, you know, sort of freak out versus sort of major sort of outcry. But, yeah, I feel what you're. I feel what you're saying. I mean, that just touches me big time. That just, you know, how can we help? Because, yeah, so many of us. I know, I know when we had this little girl, she was such a beautiful little soul, but we were, we were learning on the fly, flying by the seat of our pants. We had. Right. Support from the agency. But, you know, it's just when you're not used to this, you're not used to this, so you just, you're just learning, you're doing what you can. But when, when things would happen, you and you're out in public, you do sort of want to crawl into a little cave, don't you? It's. Which is the worst thing. It's terrible. [00:26:42] Speaker B: It's so terrible. And then, you know, that. I mean, we've learned to see the funny side of it now, even though it's not funny at all. But, you know, along with. [00:26:51] Speaker A: You got to laugh about things in life, though, don't you? Otherwise they just eat away. [00:26:54] Speaker B: Yes. And I talk to the women about that a lot, is that you've got to cry and you've got to laugh and laughter is going to be the thing that's probably going to help you the most through this type of journey. So I have certain friends that will share stories with them, are like, oh, my gosh, guess what happened today? Or guess what they said. Or, you know, our joke in our families that, you know, we have a faith and, you know, we're trying to be these good humans, and yet our daughter, Our daughter can, at any given time, we don't know what can set her off, but she could be out on the monkey bars for the whole street to hear. And she's swearing her head off because something's peed her off. And I'm like, God bless you. Yeah, like, oh, you're not standing there. [00:27:37] Speaker A: With the cross overhead, are you. [00:27:40] Speaker B: Seeing church on Sunday? And they're like, you know, so I love it. Yeah, you just, you do. [00:27:45] Speaker A: You have to, you gotta roll with it. [00:27:48] Speaker B: The things that they say, oh, gosh, there's like no filter. Oh. And I think that you do. You have to learn to laugh. [00:27:57] Speaker B: Otherwise you're just gonna cry all the time. No one wants to live like that? [00:28:01] Speaker A: No, no. [00:28:03] Speaker B: But I think I just want to just say that what you said was so incredible, like, to stay curious instead of judgmental. I think that is so good. Because if we can teach our children that, and if we can teach our families that, like, well, why, like, what do you think the story could be behind that family, right there, where that child is screaming uncontrollably? Could there be more there? Instead of just, oh, my God, you know, I think that's so beautiful. Yeah, I love that. [00:28:31] Speaker A: No, thank you. She rests the moment. Shiris was born. Tell us about it. [00:28:38] Speaker B: Oh, so special to me. I was underneath my doona, crying like a baby. A really, really hard day of many. [00:28:50] Speaker A: I thought you were watching a good rom com or something. [00:28:53] Speaker B: No, I wish, I wish. No, I was just one of the moments. I'm pretty sure my hubby was home and I just said, said I gotta go. And so I went up into my room, hid under the Duna. And it had just been a relentless day. And I think that is a word as well. It's not like sometimes you just have one meltdown. It's. They're so huge. You can be dealing with multiple meltdowns a day every day, which is so exhausting. And so it had just been a relentless day and a day where I. I felt so helpless. Nothing was working, and I just hid and I. I just pulled the Duna over my head and I sobbed and I sobbed and I sobbed. And like I said before, I have a faith. So I just was crying out and I said, I don't understand her. I don't understand this. You've made a mistake. I can't. I'm not the right parent for her. I'm. I'm ruining her. I don't know what I'm meant to be doing. Just complete desperation and such a deep, deep sorrow of, like, I've reached the end and I can't. I don't know what to do anymore. And I just then got angry. [00:30:10] Speaker B: Just started having a go at God. I was like. And like, where's the support? You know, like, where. Where are all the people? And like, and I've tried to find a group and like, you know, where's the group so that you can go and sit and talk to a mum and go, this is so freaking hard. Like, does anybody, you know, where are they? And they're not there. And so just venting and. And crying and carrying on and just. Oh, I can't explain it, but in the deepest part of my soul or Your spirit, whatever you want to call it, just that inner, inner place of my very being. I just felt this, the strongest conviction. Pull, voice, whatever you want to call it. There was just this moment, and I just felt it like a punch. And it was, why don't you do it? And that was it. Why don't you do it? And I sort of felt a bit like, oh, well, I guess. Yeah, like, I'm just whinging about it. I'm just whinging, like, take action, Candy. [00:31:14] Speaker A: Take action. [00:31:17] Speaker A: Right. [00:31:17] Speaker B: Like, how many times should humans like the things that I really believe, the things that move us and at times make us angry and there's an injustice and it matters to us. I think they're the things that we should be moving into and doing something about. Don't just sit there and whinge about it. So I. [00:31:32] Speaker A: We have to be open to that. You. You were open to listening and to actually taking the next step. Most people aren't. [00:31:40] Speaker B: Yes. 100. And so I just. Just, you know, like a good, you know, human. I just, like, ignored it for two years. [00:31:51] Speaker A: That's. That's your male trait coming out. Slow learner. [00:31:56] Speaker B: So I did. I just ignored it. I knew that I also wasn't. And in all honesty, I. I didn't have the capacity at that time. And so I do believe that is the right timing for things as well. So I ignored it for two years, waited till I felt strong enough, waited till I was in the right headspace space and I had capacity in my life. And then I spoke it out, and I said to some of my very closest girlfriends over dinner, and I said, I've got this idea, and I'm so scared to say it, but I think I should start a GoFundMe for a group of women that have autistic children. And, like, maybe people might see it of, you know, there's value to it, and they can give. And then we could buy them lunch, and then they turn up and we could give them, like, some gifts, and I could ask the community, could they donate some gifts? And we just let them know that they're seen and they're dignified and they've got a couple of hours of respite, and then we can talk, because we're living the same. Obviously different, but we're living a similar journey. And my girlfriends just got teary, and they're like, you have to do that. And so that was. That was the. The night that was like the moment heard. Felt that conviction, you know, heard that pull, and then waited Spoke it out. And then with like shaking hands, like, I think it was like a couple of days before New Year's Eve. I was getting ready for the new, the new year. And I was like, okay, I'm going to do it. I'm going to click the button for the GoFundMe. And there was just so much fear around, what if people don't do this? What if everyone publicly sees that I fail? What if I don't raise the right amount? What if it's, you know, it's all those things that come into play. But I couldn't believe it. Everybody was so incredible. They donated. We instantly and very quickly raised two and a half grand. And then I, I just did it. I don't know what I'm doing, but I just, I just knew that there was a need and I didn't want to just keep whinging about it. So we did. We hosted 30 women, which I had found on my journey. Swimming lessons, school teaching, anywhere, all mothers. [00:34:09] Speaker A: Of children with autism, ASD children. [00:34:13] Speaker B: And I sent out an invite and they came and it was the best moment ever. We cheers each other, we laughed, we cried, we shared stories of being told to F off and, you know, everything else. Like only we would know how good, you know, you know, you got it. And then this, the guy of the restaurant was found out what we were doing. And then he's like, bring out the good stuff for these ladies. So he bring out this beautiful champagne for us. So we're all there, like, cheers and going, oh, there's some perks of, you know, this, you know, we're getting free. [00:34:49] Speaker A: Just living the pros. Living the pros. Then. Yeah, where was it at? [00:34:53] Speaker B: Beautiful, beautiful moment. And so that's how it all started. And so that was. [00:34:57] Speaker A: Where was that first event? [00:35:00] Speaker B: It was in 2022, in April, and I didn't even realize, but it fell in the month of, like, Autism awareness month. And we're like, well, we're very much aware of autism. [00:35:10] Speaker A: Crazy alignment. [00:35:12] Speaker B: What was that? [00:35:13] Speaker A: That's crazy alignment, isn't it? [00:35:14] Speaker B: I know, I know. So. And then that was it. And so then it's just continued on from then. The year after we had 70 women, news started to spread. I didn't even really have to do anything because the mums told other mums that they knew. And so they're the year after something good. Yeah, they just did it themselves. And because they, they felt safe and they knew that they were going to get real talk. That's really important to the heart of this Charity for me is that it's genuine. We're not going to always just, you know, let's just always focus on the positives and, you know, you can't. You have to be real about how hard this journey is, talk about how hard it is, but then encourage each other that we can do this and it's not always going to be this hard and we can actually help each other in it together and then have a laugh. I feel like that's the magic ingredient to be able to let this be a really special place and a space for them. So, yeah, it's. It's honestly one of the greatest passions of my life. I'm so incredibly humbled and honored to be able to do it. I can't believe it. [00:36:24] Speaker A: So how many do you have a membership of she Rest? How does it operate? What's the. What's the numbers looking like now? The impact you're having? [00:36:33] Speaker B: That is something that is on the. There's so many ideas. I'm sure my ideas because of time, but there's so many ideas that we have at the moment. We just have, like social media platforms. So we have an Instagram account, we have a Facebook account. I'm on LinkedIn and I pretty much put everything out via those social media platforms. And then the mothers just. Yeah, in. Invite other moms or tag each other in it so that anytime that an event comes up, we've got a website as well, so. Www.sherest.com and you can go on there and we will, we will put on there what events we've got coming up. The, you know, the three most important things for us in our charities connection, like first and foremost and then education and respite. So all of our events that we do revolve around those three values, you know, and so we do. We've got plans to. [00:37:32] Speaker B: You know, I'd love to do respite retreats. I'd love to take these women so that that final flight can just actually come right down. But membership, I don't know. I've been a bit slack. I think there's about 700 people following along on Instagram, I think. I'm not sure. [00:37:53] Speaker B: Yeah, I probably should know more about that. But membership is definitely something that we're looking at into the future or like a subscription, a newsletter. Yeah, we've got some cool ideas there as well. [00:38:04] Speaker A: I see so many angles. Again, you could take it from a. From a business and an impact perspective, there's no doubt about it. But what I love about so many Things, but just from a. I guess the business learning and those out there sort of wanting to have an idea or starting. You don't, you don't need to have all of your ducks in a row. Actually, it's painfully slow and often unneeded to have all your ducks in a row just to get something started. Just what's that minim viable product today? If that's a GoFundMe page based around an idea like yours, or if that's just, you know, send out a note to a group of 20 friends who have been thinking about this. What do you think? Get some feedback on it. Oh, great. All right. What is the fastest way to get this to market? And then just see what the market tells you, which is exactly what you've done. You may not even have these ideas around the business principles behind it, but you've done exactly what we should do as business owners to just try stuff. You've nailed it. Seriously. It's exactly what we talk about. So your carefreeness, your, Your vivaciousness, your brave aspect, like, that's the stuff that most of us just sit on and it never sees the light of. The light of day. [00:39:10] Speaker B: Yeah, cool. That's so cool. And I'm glad I flipped it. I think it just, it's listening. I think it was listening to like every time that I was sitting with a mom, waiting in a therapy room or sitting, watching our child, you know, swimming lessons, we would chat, we would chat, we would chat and then there was always something like, oh, we should get together sometime. Wouldn't it be great to have a lunch? It's been so nice talking to someone else who understands. So like there was this thread through every conversation that there was this need to connect with others who got it. And it was. And so it was just that my ears would prick every time. They're always saying the same thing. They're always wanting the same thing. And so I think that when you hear the need. [00:39:57] Speaker B: And that's all I did, I. I'm not a business woman. I am a mum and a teacher. And I just, I could hear it and then I just got frustrated. [00:40:09] Speaker B: Use the frustration. I'll never forget a mum saying to me at the second lunch, who are you? Like, I was some. And I said, I'm just a, A mother bear who got really pissed off from being poked too many times. [00:40:21] Speaker A: And I just went, steer clear of those mother bears. They get pissed off and they do take action. [00:40:28] Speaker B: Exactly. And I think that's it. What is it that annoys you? What is it that gets under your skin? You can see that something needs to shift. You can see that there's a need and it keeps coming back to you and it bugs you and it pokes you and it's like, well, I don't know, maybe be open to that and listen to what the need is. I don't know. [00:40:48] Speaker A: It's really. I guess again, the thing that comes to my mind is it's almost like, yeah, you've mentioned your faith a number of times and I have certain faith as well. And it's really. It's almost like talking from those languages. Like you've been put in this place to do something great for not only children sort of living with this diagnosis, but families who are living with this diagnosis. And there's always got to be that one person that creates change and you've got this energy that it feels like you're that one person. You might be the one person that does it in New South Wales, Australia or whatever, or maybe the world, but. But it feels like you're the energy that can make this wave. And there's waves on your website, I know, like make this wave sort of come in and out and really get these people around to change community, to change society, around how they view these things and what we can do to make life easier, better, more normal again. Whatever normal means nowadays. [00:41:49] Speaker B: Thank you. Yeah, I. I do. I'm a massive believer in that too, Brendan. Like, I think that, like, when I look back over my life, I can actually see that there are pinnacle moments where it was almost like I was gaining things that I needed for now. Like, I was quite a shy child. I was just talking to my mum this morning about that. She said you were so shy, like you never wanted to go out, even into book parade, you know. And I thought, how. I said to her, how the heck did I end up like this then? Because I'm so, you know, outspoken and vivacious and, you know, just really outgoing. And she said, you know what, it actually did start when you start, like when you found your faith, you were put into a situation where you then started to do roles that you wouldn't normally do. So I remember being on the door and welcoming people to church. Welcome to church. You know, like just something as. So simple as that. But I had to speak to all walks of life and all different people that were coming with different issues or. And it's weird because now they'll look back, I'm like, ah, Like, I don't know if I would have landed here without those steps to get me here. And so I do think that. I think people know when they're supposed to do something. That sounds weird, but I think that there's this. [00:43:14] Speaker B: Internal pull that people who are supposed to do something bigger than themselves or maybe possibly for community or like at a larger scale, I think they can feel it. And there's this, like. There's a. There's a pull and an annoyance and a. It's a discontent, you know? You know that you're supposed to be doing something else and for no other reason than just that it's in there, it's been put in there, and so what are you going to do with it? And I've actually watched some people and even friends, and I actually know they have that. And they haven't followed it yet or they haven't sort of gone with their conviction yet. And they're struggling with feeling discontent or they. I'm like, I'm not happy. And I'm like, yeah, because you're meant to be doing that thing, you know, I do. I do think. I do think humans have that. I do. I don't know if we all do, but I do think that a lot do have something that they're supposed to be doing and when they find it, they know. They know without a doubt that that's what they're meant to be doing. [00:44:21] Speaker A: Yeah, look, I'm with you. I'll butcher the. The quote, but there's something that I read many, many years ago and it just talked about. [00:44:29] Speaker A: The place in the journey they're at, is exactly where you're supposed to be at that moment in time. What we don't know is how the dots connect. But in order to be open, you have to be open to be able to connect those dots through the journey. Geez, when I did that 10 years ago, that's now coming up into what this is. I didn't enjoy that experience then, but now I can use that to influence this. So it just happens. But again, you've got to be open to those things, right? You've got to be curious about your own sort of where you're at, where you're trying to go. So taking that, I guess, philosophy we're sitting here in, I don't know, how old are you, Candy? [00:45:07] Speaker B: 43. [00:45:08] Speaker A: 43. So I turned 50 this year. So let's say it's probably still realistic. We're around in 30. 35, 40 years, hopefully. What does she rest look like. [00:45:18] Speaker A: In the hybrid working world? I've seen too many business owners and their businesses suffer because of poor performing employees leading to below average results. If you want to improve your employees performance to deliver consistent results for your business, you have to master one on one meetings. The doors to our master one on one meetings training program are opening soon. I'll teach you how to improve employee performance and deliver consistent results using one on one meetings. To be one of the first, first people notified when the doors open. Go to Leader by Design AU waitlist. Don't wait. Sign up now. [00:46:00] Speaker B: Oh, I was trying to think about this because I don't. Do you, do you put all your ideas out there? I don't know. [00:46:09] Speaker A: I guess just look at it from the lens of like you've gone through the way I see you've gone through this grief cycle as a mum and your family together. And at the back of that you've created something really special and positive and really sort of driving that for, for people. So what does impact look for you into the future for she rest. [00:46:30] Speaker B: Yeah, I know and I know that it's just nervousness and so I have to fight it because when you speak it out it sounds crazy. Like I sound like who the heck does this chick think she is? But I mean, why not? Why not dream big, right? And I just think. [00:46:48] Speaker B: Why can't this go nationwide? It's not just in on the central coast of New South Wales that these women are struggling. It's not. They're in all states and territories. So why couldn't we have a tribe lunch or an educational seminar on the central coast? And why can't we have one in Newcastle and why can't we have one in Brisbane? And why can't we have one in Tassie? Like why can't we. And why can't we have. [00:47:15] Speaker B: All of these different pods or hubs or whatever you want to call them meet together at the end of a year where you have like a big beautiful celebratory conference when we all come together and we celebrate again another year of wins and being an advocate and finding each other and knowing that you're not alone. That's one thing that is a common thread as well. When women come to one of our events is I thought I was the only one. It felt like, it made me feel like I was the only one and I was so alone. And I'm like, we're everywhere. You know, we're everywhere. So I think that, yeah, why not? Why can't we go that big? And why can't we? I think something that's really, really, really Deep in my heart because I've heard the stories. [00:48:10] Speaker B: I do believe there needs to be crisis centers. There does need to be crisis centers that are specifically for women that are experiencing severe carers burnout. The stories that I've, the stories that I've heard multiple times is that you know, when you have a, a child that is explosive and violent and, and verbally abusive and physically abusive, it is a form of domestic violence and nobody's talking about it because it sounds wrong to talk about it because it's your child and you don't want to escape them like in another type of DV situation because they're your child. So it's this weird type of domestic violence that it's almost like hush, hush, don't bring shame on your child, don't expose them, don't talk about it. But I do believe we need to talk about it because the stories that I have heard is that women are becoming so numb, so dissociated in those moments of carers burnout. I've experienced it myself and I didn't know what was happening. I felt very disconnected from my own body. I was in a place but I wasn't there. All of a sudden, no energy, sleeping for days. And yeah, I found out that I had carers burnout. And I've heard stories of women just saying like it doesn't end, like when does this end? This, these children are going to be autistic for their whole life. Do these physical and abusive meltdowns last their whole life? Am I going to have to be their full time carer my whole life? The fear of what happens when my 16 year old son is stronger than me. You know, one story just recently is that they, it's just so devastating. Brendan. They're their son, he was 17, his meltdowns were so violent. But they had a toddler that they had to send him away. So this is their child that you're having to send away to protect another one? Oh, I just can't even imagine that moment then. Oh, it's hard to fathom the fear. And you know, so these crisis centers I would love to see happen where women are pushed to their absolute limit. They've, they're, they're at carers burnout point. They're numb, they're dissociated. They actually just need care, instant care, which is so hard to get. So many of these women, their husbands leave. I've multiple, multiple cases where the husbands have said nah, too hard basket. So they leave. These women are left with one or Multiple autistic children. And there's no option for them to quit because then who looks after their child with a disability? So then they push through, they push through, they push through. Their body goes into a state of absolute. [00:51:07] Speaker B: I don't even know how to explain it. Like, I can, I can see it. There's been times when I've seen it. [00:51:14] Speaker B: They get like this glaze over and they get a numb look and they're in default, but they're not. They're literally just surviving. And so I think the crisis centers need to be able to be there with like a psychologist on site, rooms that are made up, food that is provided for them, quality sleep. Some of these women never get a full night's sleep because their child can't sleep through the night in there on top of them. You know, it's just stuff people don't know. And like I said before, they don't know because they don't know it's not their fault. But this is. And like I said, not every single child on the spectrum is like this. But there are a large amount of women in Australia that are dealing with this day in, day out, and they suffer in silence and nobody knows how intense their, their life is. And I just can't. I cannot sit back and do nothing about it. So I do think that there is a need for crisis centers as well. Yeah, I think that there's so much impact we can have. [00:52:18] Speaker A: There is. There is. Look, there's. Yeah, there's that phrase lived experience. And I personally think it's an overused phrase, but to me, it's certainly not overutilized in what you guys are dealing with day to day. Like, you just don't know unless you've got lived experience in this journey. The other thing I would say is that, respectfully, I think you're thinking too small. [00:52:42] Speaker A: Well, I mean, again, look. And again, I'm no fan of Microsoft. I prefer Apple, mind you. But Bill Gates, what comes into mind is a computer in every household globally that's thinking big. Right? Again, I'm not going to challenge you on here. Well, I am going to challenge you. You don't need to think about it. What? Here. But I think it's like, how do you want to change that landscape in the ASD sphere? And that's where I think you need to be thinking, because all these things are great. To me, they're a component of that. But I think you. I think you're thinking too small, and I think you're destined for greater stuff even Greater stuff. [00:53:22] Speaker A: You will, because that's the sort of person you are. But you touched on a few other things I did want to ask you. And I know, look, I mean, Tom, it doesn't really matter with this podcast. I mean, I talk for as long as I talk, and you can as well. But. [00:53:36] Speaker A: As far as Andy goes. [00:53:39] Speaker A: What worries you the most as a mum for her life in the future? [00:53:46] Speaker B: Andy has. And this is a. It's a strange one, because it seems to be a lot more acknowledged in the US and the uk, but there is a profile of autism called pda, which stands for pathological Demand Avoidance. It's like the odd. [00:54:06] Speaker A: In the autism world, the defiance disorder, occupational defiance to. [00:54:12] Speaker B: Yeah, it's. It's that in the. In the autism world. And it is rooted in anxiety, and it is an anxiety of being controlled and having no autonomy at all. They are. It. It heightens them instantly if somebody comes along and gives them demands like, you need to go and clean your teeth or you need to go and have a shower. So with Andy, there is constant pushback on every single thing that we ask of her. And to the point where my poor hubby, I heard him last night say to her in a really kind and calm voice, but he said, I feel like. I feel hurt because I feel like you haven't done anything that I've asked in about a month now. And he was genuinely gutted. And so this PDA is. It's definitely becoming more aware in Australia, and I've done some online courses, and it is fascinating, absolutely fascinating. But that is probably what scares me the most, is that. Okay, so the other thing about pda, sorry, Is that they almost struggle to see hierarchy. So she doesn't really have a clear understanding that we are her parents. I mean, she knows we're her parents, but we're her parents there as her, you know, leaders and guardian angels. Yeah, well, she has this thing about. And a lot of PDA kids say this, you're not the boss of me. You're not the boss of me. That is a constant, ongoing thing in her head. I don't have to do that. You're not the boss of me. So it is so hard to parent because you need to be able to rephrase what you're asking. So I can't say. Well, I can say it, but it doesn't work. So I can say, angie, I need you to go have a shower. And she'll be like, oh, no, I can't. My legs aren't working. I. I've Just got to do this. I've just got to do this. I've just got to do. And it's just non stop. And so then I know that there'll be listeners and totally cool. Just make her, just make her do it. Just smack her, just discipline her. Just take this off her. You can't. We tried to give her a little. I hope I'm getting trouble for this, but we tried to give her a little smack when she was little. She would hit us back, you know, we tried to put her in her room at the timeout. She would smash and kick the door with her feet. And you know, we've got a hole in our thing being patched at the moment. We would try to walk away and have space and time out to calm down. She would follow you and relentlessly bang and hit your door and scream out. [00:57:01] Speaker B: She'S a human being. She has her own will and her own emotions and her own agenda. So it's the, the only other thing that parents are pretty much wanting us to do then is to make them force them. So then, what does that look like? That looks like. What does that look like? Dragging a child to the bathroom? Does that mean you then get the toothbrush and you're scrubbing it yourself, but then if that child's pushing back, then it's. You've got head. Like, it's just. That's horrible. No. And it's a nightmare. It doesn't work. And so the PDA is a whole other level of a child with asd. And many, many parents are struggling with this and that. That not understanding hierarchy. More than happy to have a massive go at a grown male. Not intimidated one bit. We've had, I've had some of my hubby's mates and it makes me laugh, but I've never been more intimidated by a little girl in my life. She makes me feel like I'm not cool. [00:58:12] Speaker A: Well, you're not, are you? You're not. [00:58:15] Speaker B: Who's like a band, the leader of a band, you know, he. These kids, they are so incredibly like, I'm not doing that in my class. Just yesterday. And he has the PDA profile. I don't want to do that. I'm not doing that. So it is, it is so incredibly hard. It scares me the most. But it also excites me the most because I spoke to a mother and I said to her, she's autistic, proudly autistic woman herself, and she has not been diagnosed with pda. But she said, that makes so much sense. I Was like that my entire life. And I said to her, okay, well I've got two questions. Can you please tell me if you could go back to your 10 year old self, what would you say to yourself? And we both cried with cocktails in our hands. Said with tears in her eyes. She said, I would go back and I would say everything that you believe is wrong about you right now has a place in adulthood. Just be patient. And I just sobbed. She said, not wrong, it just, it has another place and you're gonna. And then she said the other thing is when I said to her, how do I understand this and how do I parent it and what goes through her head? And she said what goes through our head 247 is what's in it for me. And as soon as she said that it was like, like a light bulb. And I was like, that is exactly what this is. If I'm not interested in this, if there's no nothing in this for me and you can't make me. So it's now a daily. [01:00:02] Speaker B: Challenge, which I love challenges, so I'll accept it. But wow, it's tiring. It's challenge of how do I find her? Reward her, pool her what's in it for me? With very basic daily challenge, like daily tough. [01:00:23] Speaker B: To see something. How do I get her to see that cleaning her teeth is worth it for her? [01:00:29] Speaker A: Maybe as a 13 year old girl you'll be able to say, well you don't want her to fall out and look terrible, but at 9 maybe that won't mean as much. [01:00:36] Speaker B: You bet. You best believe I've got done that. Look at this. You want teeth like this. It's like a monster. [01:00:42] Speaker A: Are you showing your cigarette packets again? [01:00:47] Speaker B: That's exactly what it was like. That is exactly. I was like, this is what you're going to end up like. That's what's gonna happen. So it is so like, oh, I'm. I have become someone that I don't even recognize. I just posted something on Instagram recently and it was for the moms and I said you guys wanted to know how I get her to school and how do I make things fun. And you know, I actually think I'm gonna put an ebook out with some of the games that I've created because I've used the teaching side of things and obviously your mum, there's the journey. [01:01:17] Speaker A: Connecting again, isn't it? [01:01:19] Speaker B: Yeah, it is. And so there are mornings when I have literally walked into her room. So embarrassing. Bended and I just like wake her up. And I'm like, barry, Barry, mate, you're going to be late for the bus. Quick mate, we go, go get that bus. And she's rolled over and without even. And she's like, what bus? What are you talking about, mate? I'm like, the bus, we got to go. Come on, get ready. [01:01:40] Speaker A: And we're like, that is a fantastic accent by the way. That's awesome. [01:01:45] Speaker B: But it's like, okay in her mind, oh, this is a game. Yeah, Mum's playing with me. I'm in all mornings where I've fully dressed up and I've got a fluoro hat and glasses and I'm like, candy's cafe, what would you like this morning? I'm ready to take your order, you know, with a candle set out and placemats, you know, and I know people are listening to it, they're going, that is ridiculous. Like you are enabling this behavior. [01:02:12] Speaker B: But you know what? I would rather her have memories of those type of things than screaming, yelling, being dragged to try. You can't, you can't treat another human like that. And you know, so that's what I'm most scared about is that, what, what does that look like going into adulthood? How does she have a job? Will she get in trouble with the police? [01:02:41] Speaker B: If you don't recognize hierarchy and if you don't care about things that you, you do need to care about. [01:02:49] Speaker A: Yeah, it's a real, it's definitely where my head went. It's a real fear that, you know, police or just, I guess following some instruction and how something could really escalate very quickly which could, you know, worst case scenario, be severe risk to her life, which would be a terrible scenario and wouldn't be the first time that, you know, these sort of things. I don't know the, all the details around, but just maybe some of these instances you hear about in the news that, you know, some mental health, mental health related issues that these things are there and it's very difficult. I guess I'm not, you know, sort of casting stones, but I guess it's very difficult for anybody in a situation, even well trained police officers making snap decisions. So, yeah, I mean, I could see that. I'd never heard of pda. We'll certainly look into that as well, but please do. [01:03:33] Speaker B: And for any listeners, like if you have a child that's on staff spectrum and there's like a lot of anxiety and there's a lot of push back on a lot of things every single day, PDA could be something that is so helpful. For you to understand because it can be as simple as instead of, hey, I need you to go jump in the shower. It can be, hey, do you want to have a shower upstairs or downstairs tonight? It's as simple because slight adjustment in words. Feel like I'm trying to control. It's you've got choice in this or you can put. You can turn your iPad off now and you can have it tomorrow, but if you don't, then you may not be able to have it for another five days. But the choice is yours. And I know that that's a threat, but sometimes that's all we have to be able to actually get them to do what we need them to do so that something's going to be best for them. So it is. It's a lot of pivoting, a lot of shifting, a lot of trying to think on the fly, but there are some really cool resources out there too to help with how to rephrase and. Yeah, yeah. [01:04:37] Speaker A: Well, again your journey sort of coming together and joining the dots that you said you're into a bit of the creative arts as well. So your ability to pull off a voice and get dressed up and say it sounds like you more than love these things, Candy. Anyway, so it's becoming second nature for you. [01:04:54] Speaker B: It's just wild. [01:04:57] Speaker A: I think you need to do some of these characters at your next she rest event, to be honest. [01:05:03] Speaker B: Well, you know what, I'm actually so excited but I have that, that incredible woman that is on a in an interview panel and we're just going to have like a chilled laid back chat and I've got a couple of other mums and yeah, I'm asking her some questions like what. What does it feel like to have a meltdown? What is something that people did while you were having one that you hate it and you wish they didn't do? What do you wish they did do? How do we help with pd, you know, to have to have someone like that, that she's just the most incredible woman. And that's the thing as well. She said to me, candy, she said, I know you're scared. And she said, my mum tried to control me my whole life and she wasn't open to the fact that she couldn't. And so they don't even have a relationship. Very common for those PDA kids to actually cut their family off completely if they don't feel safe to them. So that's why like my main thing is my relationship with her. I want the relationship to stay in a space. But yeah. To have her up there. It's. We are so, so lucky. And that's the beautiful thing about when you pull all these people together. You've got stories and tips and tricks and, and strategies that can change, change your life. So. [01:06:18] Speaker A: And that's where back to the. [01:06:19] Speaker B: I don't know about bringing out the cap. I'm not sure about that. [01:06:21] Speaker A: Work on it, work on it, you'll be fine. But again, that's where again from a sustainability of what you're doing and the continued impact like that membership type thing, you know, sort of private community access and all those sorts of things come in from the business lens that's more than possible and so impactful and so scalable easily nowadays as well. The when is, when is the event and where is it at? [01:06:48] Speaker B: Yeah, so it's not this Sunday but next to the 16th of November and we've got it at. I can't invite people, I'm so sorry because the tickets are all sold out. We're at capacity. But 90, 90, well, it's the biggest. [01:07:03] Speaker A: Congratulations. [01:07:05] Speaker B: I'm a little bit scared, but it will be fine. 90 beautiful women are coming and yeah, we're having it at Beach Coma at Tukli Hotel and Resort. So we've got our own room. That's really important too. We've got our, we always have our own space. It's important for us to have our own space so that we can, you. [01:07:25] Speaker A: Know, sometimes just relax, chill and not have people judging, whatever. You just. [01:07:30] Speaker B: Yeah, yeah, yeah. And like for one of our girls nights out, like we had one lady come and she turned up with having the most horrendous day and she came in crying and we got around her, put a cocktail in front of her and let her talk it through and process it. And then she left the night laughing and you know, it's just that safe place. And so we don't really want to do that in the middle of a, you know, a restaurant. So we always have our own space with events. So we've got that. But yeah, 90 women. There's so many incredible businesses who have donated like restaurant vouchers and Japanese headsets, spas and nail, you know, like just crazy cool prizes. And so the ladies, you know, I'll. [01:08:13] Speaker A: Sign all to help a, a woman, a lady feel special and to take some time out. [01:08:19] Speaker B: Exactly, exactly. Give them a injection of joy and an injection of like this is something that, it can become so overwhelming and so clouded at times that I think sometimes that these full time carers even forget who they were before this journey started. And so that's why it's, I'm really passionate about that little injection of joy and excitement. Like, oh, what a surprise. Oh, it's, it just like pulls them out of it and it's something just for them. And I think even that shift in mindset can be really, really helpful for them as well for their mental health. And yeah, it's exciting. [01:09:00] Speaker A: Well, you also mentioned respite, that term, that's a term that gets often used in the foster care space as well. And just to put some context on that, and. [01:09:10] Speaker A: We so resonate with what you're saying about just giving people respite just from their day to day and the pressure of, you know, the circumstances they're in. Because I know from a care perspective there's been very, very few occasions where we've felt like we've needed respite. But there certainly have been occasions and there's just not, you know, our agent's been fantastic and they have been able to sort one thing out when we had to go away for something. But it's just so important to be able to have that break to, to either get stuff done or just, just to have time away where like you said, the, the flight of fright's not there. And you can just de. Escalate yourself a little bit because. And you don't actually know, you don't realize until you get that break either, which is a weird thing. Like you just like it's your new normal being sort of heightened all the time. And then when you go and break it's like, oh wow, I really did need that. [01:10:02] Speaker B: It is so true. And I, yes, you are so spot on. And I feel like a lot of our women are constantly in fight or constantly at, at a heightened state. Always on the, that walking on eggshells. When's the next explosion going to happen? How can I prevent it? What do I need to do to protect my other children? How do I. It's just constant. So to be able to have even just three hours at a lunch where they can switch off and chat to other moms who are not going to judge them in whatever they say. [01:10:41] Speaker B: And then have some goodies, get some. You know, they get like a little self care gift bag with things just for them. [01:10:49] Speaker B: Yeah, I think it's super important. I thought it was really needed and it obviously is needed because it's taking off and I'm not really having to do much about promoting it. It's just spreading because they're so indeed they Hear it. And they're like. [01:11:02] Speaker A: You know, you're literally just sitting back and ordering pina coladas at the moment, by the sounds of it. [01:11:10] Speaker A: Are you building a charity? Are you building a charity or a sorority house? [01:11:17] Speaker A: And that's community, and that's community, isn't it? That's. How powerful is that? [01:11:24] Speaker A: Just going back to family side of things and how important that is. But how is this. I'll just call it broadly situation. How is this situation and the sort of the parenting you're involved in strengthened but also challenge the relationship with your partner, with your hubby? [01:11:42] Speaker B: Yeah. So. So what was the first part of it? How was it challenged? [01:11:45] Speaker A: Yeah, strengthened and challenged. Just maybe an example of each, because I'm. I'm sure there's a few each way. [01:11:51] Speaker B: Oh, my gosh. Yes. Yeah. You walk in, you come into this not thinking that this is the life that you're going to have. So you end up. I do think it's important that you grieve. You have to accept it, and then you have to grieve it, that life is going to look very different to what you thought, and you have to remove. I think that it's important to. I use the word pivot a lot, but I do think that's important. I think you need to either remove this painted picture that you had. [01:12:22] Speaker B: Just started again. Start the artwork again, because if you keep holding onto it, you're just going to be disappointed, frustrated, discontent. So remove that and then pivot and go. Okay, so what is this going to look like now? This is different to what we envisioned, but we can do this, and it can be fun, and it can still have life in it. And so we had to sort of grieve and do that together. And then we've had to. The hardest thing, I would say the challenge, and I know he would agree on this, is that we. Sometimes we'll be on the same page, and then other times not so. Because I. My whole family all have adhd, so, which is, you know, a lot of energy and a lot of emotional dysregulation comes along with adhd. So there can be a lot happening all at once. And for me, like, I can quite easily, you know, be comfortable in that, or, like, it's okay. You know, this is what we're doing now. I can change things quickly. I can be spontaneous. Whereas in. My husband is the logic. He has more logic and reason and. But he has been diagnosed with ADHD as well. [01:13:42] Speaker A: He's the airflow man. [01:13:44] Speaker B: Hyperactive. We're a Very neurospicy family. [01:13:48] Speaker A: Yeah. [01:13:48] Speaker B: So I think that that is probably the. The trickiest thing for us in our relationship is that I do so much reading and so much research, and I'm trying new things all the time. Whereas he. Whereas in. He's a little bit more rigid. In. Yeah, but you should just be able to stay it. And they do it the old school parenting style, which, of course, I want that too. Oh, my gosh, do I want that. My class does what I say, but my own children don't. So I think that that is probably the hardest thing. That is. Yeah. I'll be sort of more aware of needing to change things up, try weird and wacky things to get the results that we need. Whereas in. He wants to just be a bit more. No, just do it. Because I've said that and follow the instruction. But when you've got a child with pda, good luck, buddy. You know? So I think we clash a little tiny bit with that. But at the same time, we always will come back to each other. There's such a deep. There's. He's my best friend and was in high school, so there's such a deep, deep friendship there with each other, but at the same time, such a deep respect in that we've looked at each other multiple times and said, I am so grateful to have you on this journey. And I've thanked him. I've actually personally thanked him and said, thank you for staying. I know so many dads don't, and this is hard, but you're sticking it out. And he's like, I would never do that. And I'm so grateful that he's that type of man. [01:15:28] Speaker A: But it's obviously a good fella. [01:15:31] Speaker B: He's a really good man. Yeah, he's a very good man. But it. It is hard. And it's hard for dads to. To. To work all day and then walk into chaos at times, or if they walk into a meltdown or, you know, it's. They don't have the haven that they should. [01:15:49] Speaker B: So I would say that's definitely the hardest part. I've read in multiple articles that the divorce rate is definitely higher with this type of lifestyle. So if they've. Yeah. To be able to hold on to each other and. And support each other through it is so important. The way that we've grown, I would say, is that we've realized how hard it is, we've acknowledged how hard it is, and. [01:16:19] Speaker B: We'Ve just learned to go, this is what it is. We can't change it. So we've just united in it and said, all right, this is. This is how it is. And so let's just. Just both stay committed to making it work. And we're going to still have a good life and we're still going to always believe in hope, and we're still going to always believe that Andy can go on to do incredible things and that she will use her. [01:16:47] Speaker B: Boss lady, you know, to. To be an incredible boss lady one day. She might end up seeing she's pretty. [01:16:54] Speaker A: Good at giving instruction. [01:16:57] Speaker B: Exactly. And I said that to her. You. You might need this one day. Yeah, but you just need to learn how to use it in a kind and respectful way. Because people won't respond barking orders with no emotion at them. You've got to be able to say it with kindness and respect. But, yeah, you can. You could be a boss lady. Why not? And so I think that, that, that's been the strength, too. It's. It's bonded us closer. I think we have to talk about everything. We have to be so real and honest with our mental health, with each other, when each other needs rates. So it's just really bonded us because, I mean, sounds terrible, but trauma does that, right? Like, it can form a trauma bond. And so not only is my best friend and my husband, but he. We're in this together. And so we're just holding on for dear life together. Like, we can do this. Come on, you know? [01:17:49] Speaker A: Well, Candy, again, you touch on so many good points again, that one. It's actually the research around. [01:17:58] Speaker A: People and in the space I play in business and teams and things like that is. Teams become more solid, the trust builds more. So whether that's a team of two, partnership, relationship, working through tough stuff and being able to work through tough stuff builds the confidence, builds. Builds the relationships, builds that ability, those muscles to know that we can get through anything together. So this is the thing. But like, we know also that it can really be. We all grieve differently, we all do things differently. So it can be quite divisive and stuff as well. But when you've got that, I think for you guys, maybe the underpinning of faith and those core beliefs there, that's what drives that strength and unity, which is so good to hear. I resonate from a. [01:18:44] Speaker A: Your hubby sounds like a bit like me with some of those sort of thinkings and we'll just do it. And my wife's a bit more sort of your style. But I did learn and my wife was on the Same sort of curious, curiously judgmental around this. Can I say. So the little girl we have at the moment is toilet training and she's going, okay. And it was so supposed to be happening at her kindy in the last couple of days. And when I picked her up, we got this report, said, how is toilet training going? And the educator said, look, she didn't want to sit on the potty today. And I'm like, okay. And she said to me, like, part of the policy of education and children have a voice, we have to ask them and if they say no, then they don't do it. I'm like, are you freaking kidding me? She's two. [01:19:42] Speaker A: And look to the educators sort of from her perspective. She's been around the traps a long time, she's trained under all sorts of things and these are the new wave parenting type stuff. And she said, look, I'm not saying break the rules, but she can do it in a way now where it's not a question, it's just like, time for the potty. Or there's ways around it. But I just sit there and think, like, no wonder. There's just. There are some. And maybe I'm sticking up for parents sometimes in society in that it's sometimes hard to know. You've got to have your level of knowledge, experience and lived experience in a situation where it's just a kid being a bit of a prat, a bit of a shit. And then there's the other stuff because there's just so much of it around and the parenting side of things is just like, I don't know, maybe I'm an old fuddy duddy. It just, it just seems so weird parenting styles nowadays around some of this stuff. Everyone's got a voice and. [01:20:42] Speaker B: Yeah, I don't think you are an old fuddy daddy. I do. I think that parenting has changed so much. And I also think that it's really obvious as a, as a primary school teacher, like, we're seeing children come through and. And again, I read another article just recently where resilience is on the decrease and narcissism is on the increase in children. And we can definitely see that. And we can see a generation of like, parents that are so exhausted because they're working more than ever, they don't have the capacity to even deal with their child having a tantrum because they didn't get what they want. So they just say, oh, all right. [01:21:24] Speaker A: It's easy in the moment having little. [01:21:27] Speaker B: Brats come through sometimes where it's like, you actually just need to be told no. And that's not happening. And I think that that's probably. It's really cool that you touched on that because I. This, this life that I'm living, it is not how I ever thought that I would parent because I am in, in the classroom. It's, hey, you do what you told. You've got three chances. I'll always give you a chances. You've got three chances. But if you, you don't, then I'm so sorry you're going to miss out on that game at the end of the day. And most of the children will rise to the occasion because they don't want to. They don't want to do that. They want to have the fun. [01:22:03] Speaker A: And you're giving them a choice. Like, you're just setting expectation. It's your choice. I'm going to have to make this decision if you make the wrong choice. [01:22:10] Speaker B: Yeah. And I always say to them, do you think that's fair? And they're like, yeah, like the class agrees. Yeah, it is fair. You're giving us chances and then we still do the wrong thing, then, yeah, we probably should miss out. They're very aware of that. And, and children really do want to do the right thing. Most children want to do the right thing. And so they don't like, you know, getting into trouble or being that. That kid, you know. So I think that I would say, and I think it's important to mention that with this life of trying to parent a child with PDA and on the spectrum that you choose, you definitely pick your battles. And I remember reading something once, which I've held onto ever since, and it's talking about the tug of war and letting go of the rope. If there's a. If there's a battle going on, and it's actually really not that important, just let go. Let them have, you know, just let them have that one far out. Doesn't matter if they want to sit and eat their dinner that night in on a picnic rug. Like, just let them. Like, doesn't matter. But when there are absolutes that matters, and that's what we stick to in our family. And most of the time, that's when we will get a meltdown, because we're saying, no, that is something that we're never going to change. We don't lie, we don't steal. You can't hit or use violence. No, you can't go. And, you know, and so, you know, you're in for a battle and a meltdown. When you're, oh, you've just touched on one of our absolutes and we're never going to back down with that. So, yeah, I think that you've got to, you've definitely got to find a really healthy balance because otherwise we're not preparing them for the real world. And I've said that to Andy multiple times. A police officer is not going to give a rip at your autistic Andy. He won't. If you break the law, if you think you can just go and hit somebody because you're frustrated, they don't care, you will be charged for assault. That is not how life works. So we're trying to always prepare her for the real world, educating her, but at the same time, when things don't matter and it's not an absolute, then, okay, do something weird and quirky or try to get her engaged away. [01:24:25] Speaker A: So, yeah, yeah, fair enough. Given I'm a male and us males love to take over female spaces. When do you start? He rests. [01:24:37] Speaker B: That was so funny. [01:24:38] Speaker A: I can't believe you're not taking this as a serious question. [01:24:41] Speaker B: No, I'm laughing at your, I'm laughing at your intro to the question. [01:24:45] Speaker A: I know, I know I've got to put a bit of fun stuff into some of this silly stuff in society as well. [01:24:51] Speaker B: But anyway, absolutely, I love it. I, look, I've actually been asked that a few times now and I know that there is a need for it and I can hear it, but I, you know, what we were talking about before, when we know that we're supposed to be doing something, I, that, that for me just doesn't feel like that's my area right now. I really feel drawn to she rest with the women and making sure that they as the. And I don't mean to sound sexist in any way and I don't mean to offend anybody, but in, in a lot of families, the women are juggling so many things. They're getting the excursions paid for and the notes in and making sure the uniforms are here, making, you know, they're doing a lot. And so I feel like that is my focus because if they go down, then I just think that a lot of the moms, they hold the family together and they do, they do a lot of stuff. And so my focus is definitely them. My hubby does not have the capacity right now. He runs his own business business as well to do. He rests. But I, I am wondering if something is going to happen because I keep, I've heard it probably about three or four times now. So I said let me like, let me just some meat, right? Like that's all it is. [01:26:11] Speaker A: Yeah, exactly, exactly. You don't even need like, you don't even have to have real meat. Just meat pies will be fine. [01:26:17] Speaker B: Oh, okay. Fake meat. [01:26:19] Speaker A: Wow. You know, this Smokey's on the coast is not fake me really quality stuff. Isn't it? [01:26:24] Speaker B: Amazing? [01:26:25] Speaker A: They are very good. They are very good. Look, I'm not asking from a. Hey, you know, why hasn't, you know, it's. [01:26:31] Speaker B: Oh, yeah. [01:26:32] Speaker A: I got the opportunity to interview a guy called Adam D. Mamiel. He's based in Albury Wodonga. He runs an organization called Boys to the Bush. And again, it's working with generally kids in the out of home care sector and those that don't have positive role models. And that's basically what he says is like he's one of the, one of the co founders, the CEO of the business. And he said, Brendan, I'd probably undersell it, but basically we're just being role models, good role models. We take them fishing and we've got programs and stuff, but it's not all high ropes courses and all this stuff. It's like just being there and we're sitting on the lake or we're sitting in the river and we're having a chat and we're role modeling what parenting look like and what sort of connection and family can look like. But I asked him this question about, well, again, same sort of thing, so what's the go with girls to the bush? And he said, basically how we look at it is that it's not that it's not needed, but we believe that creating better men will help women. As simple as that. And I'm like, well, because a lot of these kids in this sector grow up to not value women and to, you know, to belittle and you know, some of that stuff that we know is in society. So I'd say to you from your. If I looked at, from that is that there's a. I agree with everything you're saying. Mothers, they hold so much together, they take on so much weight, like a better, well rested mum, husband, mother, lover, carer, all that sort of stuff, that's what you're doing that's going to be better for men, in my view, than putting energy into he rests at this stage. I think that the opportunity you've got through she rest is to make that for the men in the relationship. [01:28:12] Speaker B: Oh, absolutely. And I think that, yeah, like our tagline on our website is like, she rests so her family can thrive. [01:28:19] Speaker A: Absolutely. [01:28:20] Speaker B: When she, when she is rested, the family's gonna be, you know, better than if she's down and out, you know? [01:28:27] Speaker A: Absolutely. [01:28:28] Speaker B: So, yeah, I, I, Yeah, there's just. [01:28:30] Speaker A: I don't know again, what's that saying, Happy wife, happy life. [01:28:34] Speaker B: That's right. [01:28:35] Speaker A: See, go with that. [01:28:36] Speaker B: That should be. [01:28:39] Speaker A: Anyway, I mean, I'm just. Maybe it's a little bit of advice, but it was just, again, I wasn't expecting that answer from Adam at the time, and it just made me sit back and reflect and thought, that is such a powerful answer. Like, he's, He's. They're not ruling girls for the bush out at any stage, but they just say, you know what? There's so much need here if we do this. This is how we help girls, and this is how we help young, young women and older women into the future. So I think you've got a different gender balance, but same slanted, if you ask me. [01:29:08] Speaker B: I love it. And I, I do. And look, I have. I'm still learning so much in the whole business sector, too, and I've got some incredible mentors, But I also think. [01:29:15] Speaker A: Like, well, don't learn too much because it'll stifle you. Probably. [01:29:19] Speaker B: Yes. Somebody said this. She's actually said to me that, don't ever lose, like, that, that part of you. And I was like, absolutely, I won't. But, like, I do think it's important to be able to understand what to say yes to and what say no to. I really do. [01:29:36] Speaker A: Of course. [01:29:37] Speaker B: Otherwise, you're just gonna be tossed to and, you know, everywhere. And so, yeah, as much as people have said is something where I'm just really honest about it. I said, look, I just don't feel like that's the capacity that I have to do that or where I'm pulled to. So, yeah, it is. It is good to know when you've got to say no. That's not mine. [01:29:58] Speaker A: 100. 100%. You got to leave space to say yes to the right things. [01:30:03] Speaker B: Exactly. Yeah. It's so true. [01:30:05] Speaker A: Can we just, I guess, to start to wrap up. But I do want to go back to that point that mentioned really early on about food and colorings, and you particularly talked about yellow for Andy. But what, in your research, knowledge, experience, whatever, what have you found around ASD and a connection, if any, to foods and whatever the hell we're putting into our bodies? [01:30:28] Speaker B: Yeah, look, and. And I haven't done heaps of research into it. I do remember reading a little bit way back when that happened. And so I have forgotten a lot, to be honest. But there definitely was a link with the artificial flavors and colors for all children. Like, some of the countries. Other countries, and I don't remember what they were. Have banned them. Like, they're not. They don't have them. And that concerns me because. Absolutely banned them for a reason. And in Australia, like, I walk around and the lunchboxes are full of it. And then we wonder why they're finding it hard to. Yeah. So anyway, that's. That's a whole other conversation. But, yeah, it definitely has an impact. The yellow. I don't know why it's the yellow, but it. It is to the point. And I am not exaggerating one bit. I tell you the honest truth, that when she would have something like twisties or straw. Not strawberries, twisties or what's the one that we were saying? Or chisels and like that sort of. [01:31:39] Speaker B: It's like she's. [01:31:41] Speaker A: They're really intense flavors, those, aren't they? [01:31:44] Speaker B: Yeah, but it's the. It's the six hundreds. Like, when you look at the codes on the back, they're loaded with M6 numbers. Yeah, no, it's like 625 or 600 something. Anything with the. There's three digits and they're like 600s. And I'm just like, stay the heck away from it. But it. And it. Oh, it sounds weird, and I just don't even know if people are going to believe me. But it's like she's on something. It's like she's on a drug because she. Her eyes go. [01:32:16] Speaker B: Her eyes are sort of like wider and more erratic, and she's not. She doesn't connect. She's not as present. And she finds it hard to concentrate with what someone's saying to her. And her behavior is almost like. Yeah, she's ski. Is that skittish the right word? What's that word where she's like. You know, she. And she move. [01:32:42] Speaker A: Yeah, it seems skittish. [01:32:44] Speaker B: Skittish. Yeah. She. She's. She provokes more and she sort of. [01:32:50] Speaker A: Antagonistic a little bit. [01:32:51] Speaker B: Yes. [01:32:52] Speaker A: Okay. [01:32:53] Speaker B: Yes. I'm not exaggerating. It is obvious. And so then, yeah, I sort of started to think, is this just me? Am I just being one of those weird mums? Because I didn't ever want to be one of those mums where it's like, my kid can't have this and my kid kind of that. But it's Real and it's annoying. And the O educators started to say, we get it now, we can see it, you can tell straight away. And so that was just so validating that it, this is real, it is having an impact neurologically somehow. It is not working for her and her body. So if there are any listeners that have got children on the spectrum, I would be staying right away from things like, you know, twisties, Cheezels, jumpies, anything that is really loaded up with it. Even the two minute noodles, the flavoring is loaded, msg. So we found one that she can have. There is a style of the two minute Noodles that doesn't have that in it. And so, yeah, you just find the ones that they can have. But it definitely impacts them. It's. It, it's real. [01:34:00] Speaker A: Yeah, yeah, look, we've again, we've seen it in the little boy, the siblings that we have at the moment and you know, again, from our perspective, we're, you know, they're eating, you know, fairly clean. I guess they're not having that sort of stuff. But you know, on visits and, you know, there's been sort of some things put in place now where it's not happening so much. But, you know, these kids have. And it's part of the reason they love going on visits because they get all sorts of stuff and like this little lad can come back jumping off the walls sometimes and you just like if you don't, you know, they've only been with us sort of 10 months or so. But. [01:34:38] Speaker A: If you're not spending time with the child like we are and like you are, then it's hard to notice that. Right. But you know them when they're them and then you also notice when they're not them. It's like that mother's intuition about, oh, you know, little Johnny's just not. Like, he's not. Something's not right with him. I'm not sure what it is, but he's just. Something's off. Yeah. [01:34:58] Speaker B: Yep. It's so true. It is so true. You can, you can see it and when you're. And then when you start to notice it and you see the pattern, it's as clear as day, just clear as day. So, yeah, I mean, I think the thing that I just would like to say for anyone listening, like, there are heaps of alternatives out there. There's heaps. So Andy still can have ice cream and she can still have, you know, some, you know, chips or whatever to take to school in a lunchbox, but we will find the ones that are going to be better for her because I feel like we're setting her up, otherwise we're just sending her into absolute chaos and it's just she's gonna fail and that's not fair. It's like we're setting her up to fail. So I don't. Yeah, I think that we can do better and just put that little bit of time and effort into it. I've also, I do have a list, so if you want me to email you through the list. It's the list that that friend all those years ago sent me in Queensland and said, these are the ones to stay away from. And we did that for years and years and years. And as she's gotten older, some of them we've been able to be, you know, less rigid about. But the 600s in the MSG, that is still an absolute no go for her. But the other ones you start to. [01:36:10] Speaker A: Realize, yeah, well, again, please send it through because all the stuff you mentioned in your socials and all that sort of stuff, we probably won't worry about putting your event, but we'll put the. Because it's sold out, but we'll put the link to your website and everything, we'll put in our show notes. So send that through. We can add that to the show notes as well. People can download it if they, if they're interested in it. But yeah, you're so right. I mean there's. Yeah, I know we went through a stage again years back where we were looking at. I think we even had an app on our phone looking at these E numbers and all this sort of stuff and cheating's like, whoa, is that really. What's this cochineal? What's that crushed up insect like? Well, that doesn't sound great. And I mean, maybe it was more natural than some of the other things going in. But yeah, I'm not a person that takes any time or thinks. I don't put my focus into really diving into all this food stuff or whatever, but you hear different things, you watch a few different things and you just think it's gotta be something, right? And that seems to be one of the most obvious things. We're putting this stuff into our body, we put these lotions or whatever on our body and there's gotta be some impact somewhere. And the hard thing is that we're all different. We all process things a bit differently. So isn't that hard to get some patterns sometimes around this stuff? Maybe that's where it gets hidden because it's hard to find. The patterns. [01:37:23] Speaker B: I think so, too. I do, because my other girls are not impacted anywhere near as much, but they still diverse with the adhd, but it doesn't seem to impact them in the same way that it does with Andy. So it's interesting. Yeah, we're definitely all different. [01:37:38] Speaker A: Candy, let's start to wrap this up. How would you, what would you like to leave our listeners with today off the back of this comment conversation? [01:37:46] Speaker B: Oh, I don't know. I think thank you for listening if you made it this far, because I think that the more that we can hear. [01:37:58] Speaker B: Real stories and real people, that it, it does open up our mind to be maybe a little bit more compassionate in areas that we weren't before, because before we didn't know and now we have more awareness. So thank you for listening to my story. And I would also say I think I really like what you said about Stay Curious. Is that part of that show, too, that epic show with the soccer guy? Have you watched that? Stay Curious. [01:38:29] Speaker A: I do love football, so there's a possibility. I'm not sure. [01:38:33] Speaker B: Good show. But he says it. He says, stay Curious. And if we could all do that and try to seek out what's behind the behavior, that would be so wonderful on the Central coast. Because just having one person be able to turn around without a judgmental face or remark and instead providing a little tiny bit of support or even as something as simple and as beautiful as you said, like, how can I help you right now? It would be incredible. And there'd be many, so, so many moms and especially the single moms out there with autistic children, that would just be heaven on earth for them, you know, to have somebody care enough to say, what can I do for you? Or how can I help you right now? Instead of judging them, I think that would be incredible. So, yeah, stay curious. Be kind. You don't know what you don't know, but once you do know, I think that we do have a responsibility to be a little bit more gentle, maybe. [01:39:38] Speaker A: Well said. Well said. Are there any particular. [01:39:43] Speaker A: Partnerships, you know, organizations that you're, you know, you're really looking to not necessarily name specifically, but the type of partner that you think would work well with? Shearess? [01:39:55] Speaker B: Yeah, I think that anybody who believes in rest, anybody who knows that rest is important for mental health and just a really important part in life, especially for people that are dealing with trauma and chaos. Yeah, anything to do with rest. Like, we have some companies that are, you know, about going in and receiving, you know, like a massage or and they've just, they're the ones that seem the most excited to donate, you know, a gift because they're like, this is what we're all about. They need, they need a quiet place of rest. So any, any corporation that is to do with rest, I think any businesses that are passionate about women and mental health definitely would be an incredible partner to have with us. I think that anybody who is passionate about domestic violence, I know that it is something that has not been labeled in this fear yet, but I'm hoping to do that because it really is, is a form of it and I think we need more awareness around that. So any type of businesses that have a passion or an experience or care about that sort of field as well and then obviously anybody to do with anyone who's got any link to autism. But I don't even think it needs to be that. It could be anyone. If there are businesses that are sitting out there and you want to be able to donate to a not for profit charity that's going to do some good work in the community, like please choose us because we are doing that and we're going to continue doing that and we've got some really big dreams and plans but we can only do it with the support of, you know, some big corporate guys or ladies. So anybody who, who hears this story and thinks that it's valuable. Yeah, I don't, I couldn't care less if it's a sock company or a whatever, who cares? If they know that this is important and that this matters, then absolutely, please, you know, contact us. [01:41:58] Speaker A: So yeah, fantastic. Look my two bobs around these things is that I look, there's so many fantastic charities out there. Absolutely. Or doing wonderful things. But I definitely have a major bent and bias. I guess I would say to charities like yours that okay, I know you're focused on the mums but ultimately it's helping the child and the children and because helping the mums educate and all that sort of stuff is that so anything to do with children. And again we're myself, my wife are really passionate about the out of home care sector. So I like to see organisations, I think organisations should be giving as much of their money as possible into organisations like yours and the out of home care sector. Again I get there's so many other great things out there, but these are the next generations and if we don't do this, if we don't look after these things, if we don't unpack some of this stuff and provide the support that's needed, then you know things aren't going to get better, they're going to get worse. Or maybe worst case scenario or best case scenarios, they stay the same and the same is not good enough. [01:43:03] Speaker B: No, that's right. I agree with you. Well said. Yeah, 100%. [01:43:07] Speaker A: Well, candy, normally I let my guests have the last word, but it sounds like I've had the last word. But anyway, it's been an absolute pleasure and it's actually my honor to have you on. You are again, the energy you've got. I honestly believe knowing you in this short time and also the people that I know that know you, that just like, just talk about you with such energy. And then Those in our LinkedIn local community that say, met you for the first time, like, God, that Candy girl, she's amazing. Like, just like, seriously, like, just so you've got this, like, you just rub off on people. You've got this amazing energy about you. It's so fantastic. You're putting it to something that you are so passionate about. And I'm so on board with people living their passion and finding what that is and making it, turning it into something that creates an impact that's all about. My business is about creating impact. So well done on what you're doing. Thanks for being a fantastic guest. Thank you. And I look forward to watching this journey continue to blossom. [01:44:09] Speaker B: Yay. Me too. Thank you so much for your kind words. That's very humbling. And yeah, thank you so much for having me. I love chatting to you. [01:44:15] Speaker A: Absolute pleasure. [01:44:22] Speaker A: These were my three key takeaways from my conversation with Candy. My first key takeaway. High impact leaders turn pain into purpose. They channel difficult experiences into something bigger than themselves. When they rise from exhaustion or adversity with renewed intention, they inspire others to do the same. Purpose grows from the moments that test us most. My second key takeaway. High impact leaders know rest is a leadership strategy, not a luxury. They understand that growth doesn't come from constant motion. It comes from rhythm, moments of work, reflection, and rest. When leaders model rest, they give their teams permission to recharge, think clearly, and bring their best selves to work. My third key takeaway. High impact leaders replace judgment with curiosity. They resist the urge to label what they don't understand. Instead, they ask what might be happening beneath the surface. That mindset builds empathy, reduces conflict, and deepens trust, whether it's with a team member, a client, or a child. So, in summary, my three key takeaways. High impact leaders turn pain into purpose. [01:45:44] Speaker A: High impact leaders know rest is a leadership strategy, not a luxury, and high impact leaders replace judgment with curiosity. You can let me know your key takeaway on YouTube or at theculturalleadership.com thanks for joining me. And remember, the best outcome is on the other side of a genuine conversation.